Literal Albatross: A Thing by Doug Driesel Jr. |
Doug Driesel Jr. is, as the name suggests, is the second Doug Driesel. However, he’s the first Doug Driesel to be a stand-up comic. Doug was forged from the finest comedian parts Southwestern Missouri could provide, where he hosted a popular comedy radio show in college. Fresh off of not finishing college, he promptly lumbered off to Los Angeles. While working at becoming very good at making coffee-style drinks, he studied improv and sketch comedy at The Upright Citizens Brigade, Westside Comedy and IO West theatres. Doug’s comedy landed him and his stand-up an appearance on The History Channel’s ‘History of the Joke’ and The Eagle Rock Comedy Festival. Doug also appeared alongside George Wendt on the show ‘As Seen on TV,’ while his debut comedy album ‘My Name is Dave’ has been hailed by critics as “Available on iTunes.” Doug can currently be seen performing around Los Angeles and the Midwest, as a contributing writer for IO West’s ‘Top Story,’ and anywhere injustice rears its ugly head.
facebook.com/americasfavoriteguy |
First of all, and I want to get this out of the way right up front, you can’t fuck the sea. So this sailor is either pirate gay or is a little too into fucking manatees.
Either way, Brandy, you have to stop chasing after this loser. He is obviously not in to you. Here’s a test: When you’re having sex, if he is e’en able to achieve a modest erection, does he have you make aquatic noises? Might his instructions of “Yeah, just like that. Now, wriggle like a fish” not inspire doubt as to his preferences?
Also, you’re still serving drinks to these transients? I mean, you were clearly in love with this dude and he totally blew you off! That’s unhealthy and asking for trouble.
I understand that you’re waiting for him to return, but these are filthy hobos of people, Brandy. And for God’s sake, STOP roaming around your port town at night!!! If someone were to rape you and get caught, they’d go free because of how much you were asking for it.
Also, “Looking Glass” is a stupid name for a band.
