I, sir, am watching Boomerang at 12:26 in the ante meridiem (and eating almond Dove Bars, thank you very much). Want to make something of it?
I just finished watching a masterpiece of half-hour television, Fangface. Fangface falls into the genre of ‘Meddling Kids’ (which was, in fact, what The Boomerang Network called the block of delicious entertainment that surrounded Fangface).
After enjoying another short by the classic comedic team of the Robonic Stooges (and yes, it’s ‘Robonic.’ As if you didn’t know), I found the glory that was Fangface.
‘Fangface’ is both the name of the show and the title character. That is PART OF THE TIME! Do me a favor and watch this video:
So, let’s break it down real quick.
Who better to break it down?
First: Every 400 years, a werewolf is born into the Fangsworth family. Their last name is ‘Fangsworth!’ You’d think there’d be at least some sort of family legend. ‘Hey, son, tough luck and all that rot (‘Fangsworth’ sounds like a rich family name, right?). Seems time’s up and you’re a werewolf. Dinner’s at seven.”
“And, by the way, your mother’s been dead for six years.”
See, what you can’t tell from the opening, is that Young Master Fangsworth, ’Fangs’ to his friends, is a backward baseball cap wearing werewolf, with one giant-ass tooth named ‘Fangface.’
By the way, these are the Robonic Stooges.
And this werewolf isn’t a vicious bastard. He’s a goofy mo-fo. He kisses a man sandwich in the intro. So, there’s that.
“Just like me!”
And, obviously this kid’s been turning into a werewolf since he was a baby! What kind of negligent parents are these? Supports my ‘rich’ theory.
“Oh, and I‘m having sex with your au pair. Don‘t tell my secretary. I‘m banging her, too.“
“Don‘t tell your au pair.”
He might not know he’s a werewolf, but his friends do! And they carry around pictures of the sun and the moon to use him in their twisted plot to capture badguys. Keep in mind, no one is paying them to do this.
In this episode, or ‘eppy’ as I like to call it, Fangface fangfaces off against a woman who, as it turns out, is named ‘Cobra Queen.’ She controls a 40 foot snake and two henchmen. That. Is. It. She kidnaps the richest woman in the world (whom our heroes recognize driving down a desert highway at night). Then, a 40 foot cobra kidnaps her. Not swallows her car whole. Kidnaps her.
The kids, being the shittiest teen sleuths in history, go running to the cops. The one cop in the station refuses to believe the story about the 40 foot snake, even when the story was coming out of the mouth of a werewolf. He even refers to him as a ‘wacky werewolf,’ so no arguments that he’s in denial. He knows to whom it is he’s talking.
“Stop telling your stories, you crazy critter!”
That’s when shit gets crazy! The richest woman in the world just strolls into the police station, announces she’s alive in a way that is not at all suspicious, and the kids are held on disturbing the peace.
Just like she does every Wednesday.
Later, using his powers of ‘Werewolf prowl-ess’ (as his short, squat friend that speaks Brooklynese puts it), he finds out that the Richest Woman in the World is telling her business manager to give all of her money and stuff to the Cobra Queen (whom we already know is masquerading as The Richest Woman in the World). Which is something someone would TOTALLY do. Why would anybody say otherwise?
“Give all my money to Skeletor. Oprah commands it!”
Then they fight the Cobra Queen in a ghost town that has an Egyptian temple in the middle of it.
Eventually, Fangface kicks the giant snake’s ass. Then the kids trap the Cobra Queen when she runs into an open, giant snake basket for some reason. Then, The Brooklyn Guy runs directly at the henchmen, as they run into a giant snake head mask he holds. Then, he puts a blanket on them (I’m totally not kidding about that). It’s at that point that I asked ‘How can this woman get henchmen?’ Immediately after, I was able to answer myself with, “Because these are the henchmen she gets.”